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Time Show Episode
6:00am
Comedy of Errors
Dorothy finds a list of things that she wanted to accomplish before a certain age, but hasn't accomplished many of them. So she signs up to do a stand up routine at a nightclub. Meanwhile, Blanche finds herself battling the IRS.
TV-PG
6:30am
All That Jazz
Dorothy's son, Michael, shows with news that he's separated and needs a place to stay. Dorothy quickly gets tired of his freeloading and dumps him on Stan. Rose is reluctant to talk to her boss about reducing her stress.
TV-PG
7:00am
Ebb Tide
Blanche is shattered after her father, Big Daddy, passes away. However, when she goes back to her childhood home, she gets into a big argument with her sister, Virginia, and decides not to attend the funeral.
TV-PG
7:30am
Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas
Fed up with Christmas shopping in a heat wave, the girls decide to buy gifts for the one person they pick from a hat. Later, the girls decide to serve Christmas dinner for the homeless, including a recently homeless Stan.
TV-PG
8:00am
VANESSA'S NEW CLASS
Vanessa is confident that her science project will bring her the usual top honors she expects, until she discovers that the other students in her new advanced-placement class are much more competitive than she thought.
TV-G
8:36am
CLAIR'S CASE
Sondra is ripped off by an auto mechanic, and Clair goes to court to right the wrong. While Clair is preparing her court case, Cliff plays family chef and cooks up some rather bizarre concoctions for dinner.
TV-G
9:12am
BACK TO THE TRACK, JACK (Formerly: TRACK MEET
Cliff is excited to join his former track teammates from Hillman in a grudge match against Norton University, until he discovers he is 25 years out of shape. Josh Culbreath, 1956 Olympic bronze medalist, guest stars.
TV-G
9:48am
THE YOUNGER WOMAN (Formerly: YOUNGER WOMAN
Clair is excited to learn that Cliff's widower friend, Mike has a new woman in her life and invites the couple over for dinner. But Clair is shocked to discover that the beautiful Nikki is the same age as her oldest daughter.
TV-G
10:24am
SLUMBER PARTY (Formerly: SLUMBER
While Clair is away, Cliff dreams up ways to entertain the children, but only Grandpa is able to tame the troops. When Rudy complains she has no one to play with, Cliff allows a friend to sleep over; which turns into eight.
TV-G
11:00am
The Fixer
Melanie rebounds with the unsavory Danny but is soon juggling two men, including blast from the past: Dr. Everett. Victoria hires a shady lawyer for Emmet. Joy and Elka compete in film class.Guest Stars: Tom Arnold, Jack Wagner
TV-PG
11:30am
Sisterhood of the Traveling SPANX®
A pair of 'magic SPANX' come into the ladies' lives and leads them to unexpected adventures. Guest Stars: Jack Wagner, Melanie Griffith
TV-PG
12:00pm
Defending Your Wife
Haskell's ex-wife Margo gets amnesia after an accident and stays with Haskell to recover, but thinks they're still married. Phil and Stuart spend the night in Holly's place.
TV-PG
12:30pm
Shall We Dance
Holly volunteers to help Stuart impress his ex at a ballroom dance competition, but Holly’s “talent” hurts more than it helps. Guest Star: Garcelle Beauvais
TV-PG
1:00pm
Rear Window
A geriatric couple with a penchant for nudity has moved in next door. Darlene worries about how close Becky and David have gotten.
TV-PG
1:30pm
My Name Is Bev
After being arrested for drinking and driving, Bev announces that she is an alcoholic. Roseanne fears that Bev may be lying to mitigate the repercussions.
TV-PG
2:00pm
Bed and Bored
Feigning illness for preferential treatment, Roseanne claims the doctor has ordered a week of bed rest. However, her grand scheme quickly turns stale when she finds herself bedridden and bored. Jackie and Bev come to blows.
TV-G
2:30pm
Sisters
Fred's unhappy that DJ's spending all his spare time at Jackie's house. Becky and Darlene find common ground.
TV-PG
3:00pm
Lost Youth
Jackie finds her love life with Fred to be predictable. Mark is jealous of David's academic success and takes it out on his new relationship.
TV-PG
3:30pm
Single Married Female
After discovering Jackie cavorting with another man, Dan makes the difficult decision to tell Fred. Ironically, Jackie realizes her wrongdoing in time to catch Fred moving out of the house.
TV-G
4:00pm
The Clip Show: All About Rosey (Part 1 of 2)
A pre-adolescent Roseanne and Jackie glimpse future events through a fortune teller's crystal ball.
TV-G
4:30pm
The Clip Show: All About Rosey (Part 2 of 2)
Decades in the future, a manic-depressive adult DJ remembers snippets of his childhood during a psychiatric appointment.
TV-G
5:00pm
Rear Window
A geriatric couple with a penchant for nudity has moved in next door. Darlene worries about how close Becky and David have gotten.
TV-PG
5:30pm
My Name Is Bev
After being arrested for drinking and driving, Bev announces that she is an alcoholic. Roseanne fears that Bev may be lying to mitigate the repercussions.
TV-PG
6:00pm
Mary Has a Little Lamb
The girls take in a 15-year-old girl who has just found out she's pregnant and scared to tell her father. Meanwhile, Blanche's prison pen pal has just been released and is looking for her.
TV-PG
6:30pm
Great Expectations
Rose joins a positive thinking group and tries to get a pessimistic Dorothy to join. Meanwhile, Blanche is scared to get serious with her latest boyfriend, especially after he has a heart attack.
TV-PG
7:00pm
Not Another Monday
Sophia's friend wants to commit suicide, and she wants Sophia there to hold her hand. Meanwhile, Blanche, Rose and Dorothy become singing nursemaids to a sick baby that they are taking care of for the weekend.
TV-PG
7:30pm
That Old Feeling
Blanche is visited by her brother in-law and is taken back by his resemblance to her deceased husband. She quickly finds herself falling in love with hopes of marriage.
TV-PG
8:00pm
Comedy of Errors
Dorothy finds a list of things that she wanted to accomplish before a certain age, but hasn't accomplished many of them. So she signs up to do a stand up routine at a nightclub. Meanwhile, Blanche finds herself battling the IRS.
TV-PG
8:30pm
All That Jazz
Dorothy's son, Michael, shows with news that he's separated and needs a place to stay. Dorothy quickly gets tired of his freeloading and dumps him on Stan. Rose is reluctant to talk to her boss about reducing her stress.
TV-PG
9:00pm
Ebb Tide
Blanche is shattered after her father, Big Daddy, passes away. However, when she goes back to her childhood home, she gets into a big argument with her sister, Virginia, and decides not to attend the funeral.
TV-PG
9:30pm
Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas
Fed up with Christmas shopping in a heat wave, the girls decide to buy gifts for the one person they pick from a hat. Later, the girls decide to serve Christmas dinner for the homeless, including a recently homeless Stan.
TV-PG
10:00pm
Mary Has a Little Lamb
The girls take in a 15-year-old girl who has just found out she's pregnant and scared to tell her father. Meanwhile, Blanche's prison pen pal has just been released and is looking for her.
TV-PG
10:30pm
Great Expectations
Rose joins a positive thinking group and tries to get a pessimistic Dorothy to join. Meanwhile, Blanche is scared to get serious with her latest boyfriend, especially after he has a heart attack.
TV-PG
11:00pm
Buy Curious
When a neighbor dies, Doug and Carrie decide it would be a good idea to buy the house so that they can sell it for a profit.
TV-PG
11:30pm
Vocal Discord
Doug and Carrie get into a fight and a program on Carrie's computer records the entire thing. When they see the things they said to each other they decide to talk to a marriage counselor.
TV-PG