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The Invasion

When Rays house is tented for termites, he moves his entire family into his parents house and gives Frank and Marie a taste of their own medicine.

- HI.

- HI, MARIE.

- WHY WAS THE TRUCKIN FRONT OF THE HOUSE

WITH THE DANCINGLITTLE BUGS ON TOP?

- WE'VE GOT TERMITES.- OH, MY GOD!

OH!

OH, DEAR!I TOLD YOU, DEAR.

YOU HAVE TO KEEP UPWITH YOUR HOUSEKEEPING.

- MARIE, WHY DON'T YOU--

- OH, CHILDREN,COME ON.

OFF THE FLOORRIGHT NOW.

COME ON, COME ON.COME ON.

YOU'RE ALL COMING TO STAYWITH GRANDMA.

- NO, NO, WE HAVE A HOTELTHAT WE'RE GONNA STAY AT

WHILE THEYTENT THE HOUSE.

- A HOTEL?

THOSE PLACESARE EVEN DIRTIER THAN HERE.

- OH, LOOK,

IT'S THE RAYMOND BARONELIVING MEMORIAL.

- YEAH.- SO WHAT HAPPENS?

EVERY 45 MINUTES AN ACTORDRESSED AS YOU COMES IN

AND RECREATES SCENESFROM YOUR LIFE, HUH?

YEAH.

"OH, NO.WHERE'S MY RETAINER?

"OH!

"HEY, WHAT'S THAT?A PIMPLE?

YOU KNOW, ALL THE OTHER GUYSHAVE HAIR DOWN HERE."

- YEAH. THAT'S IT.

THAT'S THE WHOLE SHOW...

- ALL RIGHT,HERE WE GO.

THE HONEYMOON SUITE.

WE'VE GOT THE CLOSETRIGHT OVER HERE.

TOILET DOWN THE HALL...

LIGHT SWITCH.

- OKAY, WE GOT IT.THANK YOU.

I'M NOT TIPPING YOU,ROBERT.

- NO, NO. I JUST CAN'TBELIEVE YOU'RE BACK.

- DON'T WORRY, ROBERT.

IT'S JUST FOR A COUPLEOF DAYS.

- YEAH.THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

I'M SURE YOU'LLHAVE A MARVELOUS TIME.

MOM'S GOIN' ALL OUTNOW THAT,

"RAYMOND HAS COME HOME!"

- ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

- OH, AND BY THE WAY,THERE'S A FEW RULES.

I TAKE MY SHOWERSAT 6:35 IN THE A.M.

YOU WILL PLEASE REFRAIN FROM ANYAND ALL FLUSHING.

DESPITE WHAT DAD THINKS,

IT IS NOT FUNNY.

ENJOY YOUR STAY.

[watch beeping]

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?- SETTING MY ALARM FOR 6:35.

- HEY, THEY'RETOUCHING MY STUFF.

- WHO?- YOUR KIDS.

THE TWO BOYSAND THE OTHER ONE.

I HAD A WHOLE STACKOF QUARTERS.

NOW IT'S A PILE!

- HE KEEPS HIS QUARTERSSTACKED UP ON THE DRESSER.

- AND I DON'T LIKEANYONE TOUCHING THEM!

YOU KNOW THAT!- I KNOW!

- YOU BET YOU DO!- I KNOW THAT I DO!

- AND DON'T YOUFORGET IT!

- I KNOW NOW!I WON'T!

- IT'S SO-O-O-OPEACEFUL HERE,

AND I'LL SAY THIS.

IT'S MUCH SMALLER THANA HOTEL ROOM WOULD HAVE BEEN.

- COME ON.IN--IN A HOTEL ROOM,

YOU COULDN'T GET THECOMPLETE SET OF

THE BOOK OF KNOWLEDGE.

HEY, LET'S LOOK UP"REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS."

THAT'S ALL I HAD.

- OH, DEBRA.

YOU'RE HERE.

- HI.

- HI.

I WAS JUST GETTING READYTO WATCH MY PROGRAM.

NOW.

[cheerful accordion music]

- BONJOUR MES ETUDIANTS DE FRANCAIS.

AND WELCOME TO EVERYDAY FRENCH EVERY DAY.

- THIS IS MY FRENCH LESSON.

I WATCH ITEVERY DAY...

AT 4:00.

HERE.

- [instructor on TVspeaks in French]

- EH-HEH...

YOU KNOW, DEBRA,I TIDIED UP RAYMOND'S ROOM.

WOULDN'T YOU BEMORE COMFORTABLE THERE?

- OH, THE TWINSARE NAPPING IN THERE.

- OH.

- SAY IT WITH ME.

UNE BAGUETTE AVEC DU FROMAGE.

- UNE BAGUETTE...

AVEC DU FROMAGE.

DEBRA, YOU'RE READING,

AND I'M SURE THIS ISDISTRACTING FOR YOU.

- OH, NO. I'M USED TO TV.

I CAN JUST TUNE ITRIGHT OUT.

- A BLOOD SAUSAGE...

DU BOUDIN.

- DU BOUDIN.

IT WAS GLARINGON THE SCREEN.

- YEAH.- OH, I'M SORRY.

IT'S PROBABLY TOO DARKIN HERE FOR YOU NOW.

- NO, NO. THAT'S FINE.

- OH, GOOD.

[chuckling]GOOD.

SO LONG ASYOU'RE COMFORTABLE.

THAT'STHE IMPORTANT THING.

- I CAN'T STAND IT!

I CAN'T LIVE HERETHIS WAY.

- YOU'RE LEAVING?

- HEY, YOU'REEATING THE BROWNIES!

THEY'RE FOR--

- I KNOW. EVERYTHING'SFOR OUR VERY SPECIAL GUEST...

RAYMOND.

RAYMOND, RAYMOND,RAYMOND, RAYMOND, RAYMOND...

RAYMOND, RAYMOND...

- RAYMOND, YOU HAVETO DO SOMETHING.

- ALL RIGHT, WELL,I DIDN'T PREPARE ANYTHING,

BUT HOW ABOUT THIS?

♪ HOONG NA-NA HO HEE ♪

- I'M TRYING TO WATCHMY FRENCH CLASS IN THERE,

AND IT'S VERY DIFFICULT.

TRES DIFFICILE.

- AW, MA, DON'T FRENCH, OK?

WHY? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

- WELL, DEBRA'SIN THERE READING.

- WHAT?OUT LOUD?

- NO!

BUT I JUST DON'T FEELFREE TO PARTICIPATE.

IT'S VERY INTRUSIVE.- WHAT?

- YEAH,AND ONE OF YOUR KIDS

IS CLOMPIN'AROUND IN MY SHOES.

SOME PEOPLEFIND THAT CUTE.

I HATE THAT.

- YEAH, AND, RAY,

WHO FLUSHED THIS MORNINGWHILE I WAS CONDITIONING?

J'ACCUSE.

- OH, OH...

- THAT'S GOOD, ROBBIE.GOOD.

HE'S ACCUSING YOU.

- I'M IGNORING HIM.

- PLEASE, RAYMOND,GO IN AND TALK TO DEBRA.

I'M MISSINGMY FRENCH CLASS.

- MA, NO!

- OH, PLEASE, PLEASE.PLEASE. S'IL VOUS PLAIT.

- YAH-HA! MA...

DON'T BOO BAH BLAH ME.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, COULD YOU GO READIN THE OTHER ROOM?

- WHY?

- MY MOM'S TRYIN'TO BE FRENCH IN HERE,

AND YOU'RE...INTRUDING.

- WHAT?

- I DON'T KNOW.YOU'RE IN THE WAY.

LOOK AT YOU.

- WAIT.LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

SITTING QUIETLY ON THE SOFAREADING TO MYSELF IS INTRUDING?

- YOU KNOWHOW THE FRENCH ARE.

- I'M INTRUDING...

BUT HER COMING OVERTO MY HOUSE EVERY DAY WITH FOOD

AND REWASHINGTHE KIDS' CLOTHES,

AND YOUR FATHER FIXING THINGSUNTIL THEY'RE BROKEN,

THAT'S NOT INTRUDING.- OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LOOK...

IT'S ONE MORE DAY.

- NOW I REALLY LOVE THIS.

- JUST PLAY ALONG.

- ONE MORE.THAT'S ALL.

- SHE THINKS READINGIS INTRUSIVE.

HEH HEH...OKAY.

NOW WHAT THE HELLWAS THAT?

- WHAT WAS WHAT?

- THAT, THAT,"HEH HEH...OKAY"? WHAT?

- NOTHING. NO.I WAS JUST THINKING.

HEH HEH HEH HEH!

- TERMITE BASTARDS.

[ball game plays on TV]

- I WANNA WATCH CARE BEARS.

- HEY, GET OUTTATHE WAY!

- SWEETIE.

- SWEETIE!

- ALLY, HERE'SYOUR CORN DOG, HONEY.

- ALLY'S HAVINGA CORN DOG NOW?

- YEAH.

- I MADE ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY.YOU WANT ONE?

- BUT IT'S ALMOST DINNER,

AND MOM'SMAKIN' LASAGNA.

- MMM.

- WE SHOULDN'T...

BE H-HAVINGCORN DOGS NOW.

- GET ONE FOR ME, TOO.

- YEAH! CORN DOG!- HAH!

- HEY, BUTTER RUM.- HI.

- HEY.

- HOW WAS THE RESTOF YOUR DAY, HMM?

- IT'S BETTER NOW.- YEAH.

- HEY, I'M BACK.

OH, AND I GOT ALL KINDSOF GOODIES HERE FOR YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- WE'RE JUST--WE'REHAVIN' A LITTLE SNACK.

CORN DOG.

- CORN...

DOG?

I AM MAKING DINNER.

YOU SHOULD KNOWNOT TO EAT AT, UH...

- THOSE ARE HOT,AREN'T THEY?

- WHAT'S THE MATTERWITH YOU PEOPLE?

I HAVE LASAGNAIN THE OVEN.

- OH, MY GOD.I'M SORRY, MARIE.

WAS THAT FOR DINNER?

I TOOK IT OUTTO MAKE THE CORN DOGS.

DO YOU WANT A CORN DOG?

- NO.

THANK YOU, DEAR.

- I STILL WANT MINE.

- HEY, WHAT IS THIS?

- OH, GOSH, I GUESSTHAT'S YOUR DAD'S REMOTE.

- [gasps]

- MUST HAVE ACCIDENTALLYBROUGHT IT UPSTAIRS WITH ME.

- THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT.

- OHH.

- SOMEBODY HELP ME!

- GEOFFREY, GET UP.GET UP, GEOFFREY.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I CAN'T BE THE ONEWHO BRINGS THIS TO HIM.

HE'LL KILL ME, OKAY?

HE LIKES GEOFFREY.GEOFFREY--

- NOW, WOULD YOU STOP IT?

JUST STOP THAT.STOP IT.

GO BACK TO SLEEP.

- LISTEN, YOU'RE GOIN'TOO FAR WITH THIS.

- THIS?

THIS IS NOTHING COMPAREDTO WHAT THEY DO--

- OH, COME ON!

LOOK, WHEN THEY COME OVERAND DO STUFF,

IT'S 'CAUSE THEY DON'TKNOW ANY BETTER--YOU DO!

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S CALLEDWHEN YOU KNOW BETTER,

AND YOU STILL DO IT?

NOT NICE.

- OOH...

- I'M SERIOUS!

LISTEN, WE ARE GUESTSIN THIS HOUSE.

- OH, MY GOSH.

WHO ARE YOU--ADMIRAL VON PUSS?

- NO.

- RAY, CAN'T YOU SEE

I'M JUST TRYIN' TOMAKE A POINT HERE?

LISTEN,YOU COULD HELP ME.

IT COULD BE FUN.

COME ON, WE NEVERDO ANYTHING TOGETHER ANYMORE.

- YOU ARE SICK.

- IF I AM SICK,

IT'S BECAUSE YOUR FAMILYMADE ME THAT WAY.

- WELL.

WE MADE YA THAT WAY.

I'M SORRYTHAT'S HOW YOU FEEL.

- OH--PUH!WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- I'M GOIN' TO SLEEPELSEWHERE, OKAY?

- I WOULDN'T WANNAMAKE YOU SICK.

- GOOD NIGHT, ADMIRAL.

- HEY, ROBERT...

ROBERT.

ROBERT.

UNH!

- OH, RAYMOND.

I'M SORRY.

SORRY.IT'S JUST A REFLEX.

- I THINK I KNOW WHYYOUR MARRIAGE BROKE UP.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'DOWN HERE?

- I NEED A PLACE TO SLEEP.

DEBORAH--SHE'S GOTTHE KIDS IN THE BED.

- GO SLEEP ON THE COUCH.

- I CAN'T.

DAD'S STILL TEARIN' APARTTHE LIVING ROOM,

LOOKIN' FORTHE REMOTE CONTROL.

COME ON.IT'S JUST ONE MORE NIGHT.

JUST...MOVE OVER.

- ALL RIGHT,BUT NO NOISE.

GOT AN EARLY SHIFT.

- YEAH.

HEY, COULD YOU, UH...

PUT A SHIRT ON?

AND SOME UNDERPANTS?

- EXCUSE ME.

I BELIEVETHIS IS MY BED.

- ALL RIGHT, BUT COME ON.

A GUY GETS IN BEDWITH YOU,

YOU PUT SOME PANTS ON.

- I WILL NOT.

YOU DON'T WANNA SLEEPWITH ME,

GO BACKTO YOUR WIFE.

- I'M NOT GONNABE ABLE TO SLEEP...

EVER.

- SO EVERYBODY HAS TO DOWHAT RAYMOND WANTS, RIGHT?

NEW SHEETS FOR RAYMOND.

BROWNIES FOR RAYMOND.

CAN'T SLEEP NAKEDAROUND RAYMOND.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?

INTRUSIVE.

- WHAT?

YOU'RE CALLIN' ME THAT?

YOU'RE CALLIN' ME THAT?

YOU'RE CALLIN' ME THAT?

- INTRUSIVE.

YOU!

INTRUSIVE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?DEBRA WAS RIGHT.

THINK THIS IS INTRUSIVE?

HEH, OKAY.

- WHERE YA GOIN'?

- UPSTAIRS.DON'T GET UP.

- YOU ARE SO UPTIGHT.

[Raymond chuckles]

- AH!

HOLY CRAPPIN' CRAP!

WHAT THE HELLHAPPENED HERE?

- OH, YEAH.I WANTED TO TELL YA.

I TRIED TO FIX THAT.IT WAS TOO LOOSE.

- IT WAS NEVERTHIS FRIGGIN' LOOSE.

- I'M SORRY, DAD.

I WAS JUST--I WAS TRYIN' TO HELP.

- YOU WANNA HELP ME?

FIND MY REMOTE.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY YOU WOULD USE BLEACHON THESE TOWELS.

- THEY--THEY JUST SEEMEDA LITTLE YELLOWY.

- YES.THEY'RE YELLOW TOWELS.

MY WHOLE BATHROOM IS YELLOW.

IT'S MY THEME.

- OH.

- WHAT DID YOU DOWITH THE DOOR?

- WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?

WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR SONTHERE: MR. FIX-IT!

- HEY, I'M JUSTTRYIN' TO HELP.

- MA, WHEREARE ALL THE TOWELS?

OH, HI.

- YOU ARE A LITTLE TOO FREEWITH THE BODY.

- WHEN ARE THEY LEAVING?

- SEE? YELLOW.

- MA, MA, TOWEL, PLEASE?

- NO. THIS DOESN'TGO WITH--HERE.

- THANKS.

- LOOK WHAT YOU'REDOIN' TO US.

- WHAT? WHAT ARE WE DOIN'?WE'RE--WE'RE JUST HELPING.

- YEAH, I MEAN,YOU SEEM TO HAVE SO MUCH TO DO.

WE JUST WANTEDTO PITCH IN.

- WHY?IS THIS ANNOYING TO YOU?

- IS IT BOTHERING YOU?

- ARE WE INTRUSIVE?

- BECAUSE WEDON'T MEAN TO BE.

WE'RE JUST TRYINGTO HELP YOU THE WAY YOU HELP US.

- OH.

I SEE WHATTHEY'RE DOING.

ARE YOU TRYING TO REPAY USFOR EVERYTHING WE DO FOR YOU?

- WELL--

- WELL, BUT YOU SEE, DEAR,

WHEN WE HELP YOU,WE'RE ACTUALLY HELPING.

- WHAT?

- BUT DON'T WORRY.

NO, NO.I'M NOT MAD.

I CAN'T BE MAD AT YOU

IF YOU DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU'RE DOING.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, MOM?

MAYBE YOU HAVEN'TSPENT ENOUGH TIME

SHOWING THEM HOWTO DO THINGS.

- HEY, ROBERT--

- NO, NO. I SAY WHENTHAT TENT COMES DOWN,

MA'S OVER THERE SHOWIN' YOUHOW TO DO THE LAUNDRY.

- WHY DON'TYOU GO COMPLETE THE OUTFIT

AND GO PUT ONTHE TOILET SEAT COVER?

- AND MAYBE DAD COULD TEACH RAYHOW TO FIX STUFF.

- THAT'S TRUE.

YOU DON'TKNOW A MONKEY WRENCH

FROM A MONKEY'S ASS,DO YOU, SON?

- NO.

- HEY, THEY'RETAKING THE TENT OFF!

- OH, WE CAN STARTRIGHT NOW.

I'LL GO GETMY CLEANING SUPPLIES,

AND WE'LLMAKE YOU A STARTER KIT.

- I'LL GET SOME TOOLS,HAMMERHEAD.

- HEY, RAY.

- GUH!

- RAYMOND.

IT WAS--IT WAS RAYMOND!

I KNEW HE REALLY DIDN'TWANT TO SLEEP WITH ME.

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